Friendship

A Homage To My Tribe: My True Soulmates

One thing I will say is that I have always had amazing girlfriends. Most of my closest friends I have known since we were kids. Two of my best friends I’ve known since we were 6, which is crazy to think about because that’s my daughter’s age. I often wonder if the girls she plays with now will still be in her life 35 plus years later like mine are.

I have also been blessed with girlfriends that have come into my life as an adult that I consider to be my nearest and dearest friends. In a nutshell, I scored the lottery in the friend department.

As crazy as this sounds making new friends is kind of like finding a partner. At least for me, it is. I have to have chemistry with a woman before I will open up and be the real me. If I don’t feel that, then I really don’t want to waste my time. Be real, or go home.

As I was going through my divorce, it was my girlfriends that were there for me through thick and thin. One of my friends who only saw her boyfriend on weekends because of distance left his house immediately and stayed the night with me the day I found out about my ex’s affair. I was a distraught, pissed off wreck. She showed up with Fireball and an open ear. She listened to me scream, cry and even witnessed me cut up my ex’s favorite football jersey because I was so fucking pissed. I still don’t regret doing that.

My other girlfriends would call, text and reach out sometimes multiple times a day to check up on me. As messed up as my life had become, it was so comforting to know that I had some really kick ass women who loved me. They loved me in the good times and certainly loved me in the bad. Now, those are true friends. At that time I wasn’t able to really reciprocate any of the love back, but they didn’t care. They loved me and knew that’s what I needed.

I had a girlfriend who lived in Alaska that I hadn’t seen in almost 10 years fly all the way to Washington to see me and spend a few nights with me shortly after I left my now ex-husband. Now that’s a true friend!

I thank my lucky stars every day that I have these women in my life. It doesn’t matter what’s going on they are there for me. They are there when I want to share good news and they are there when I have bad news.

My friends have spent countless hours listening to my divorce drama. They would either be sitting next to me or on the phone listening patiently as I would complain, scream and cry over what a piece of shit my ex-husband is. I didn’t need advice, I needed a sounding board, and they knew that.

When my Dad died suddenly in July, my whole tribe was there once again. Not only did some drive hours to be at my dad’s service, but one of my friends hosted a gathering afterward. Something I didn’t have to worry about during my grief. Again, the phone calls and texts were consistent. Checking on me to make sure I was doing ok.

As crappy as my life has gotten the past year and a half I have always been reminded how truly lucky I am. I couldn’t imagine going through some shit that life throws at us alone.

One of my favorite lines from Sex and the City is when Charlotte is talking to the girls and she says “Maybe we can be each other’s soulmates and then we can let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with.”

I have found my soulmates, I’m fortunate to have found more than most people get in a lifetime.

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Dating, Love

Wanted: A Part Time Monogamous Boyfriend

Recently, two different girlfriends who are both in long term marriages have told me that sometimes they really envy my life.

Since getting divorced almost a year and a half ago, I am able to pretty much do what I want, when I want. Now, this is not necessarily the case when I have my daughter, but when she’s at her dad’s every Tuesday night and every other weekend I have eight days every month to do whatever the hell I want. And I LOVE that. I really do.

I can go meet friends, go hiking, volunteer, or even do absolutely nothing!!! Which, truth be told I have been known to do from time to time. It’s me, my couch and usually some true crime show either that I have on my DVR or that I’ve found on the ID channel. I am a classic introvert and need “me” time in order to function. I am fortunate that as a single divorced mom I do get that.

I really do have a great life and I’m in a good place. I have an abundance of friends, some that I’ve known almost all my life.  Other friends that have trickled in throughout my adult life that I consider to be some of my best friends I’ve ever had. I live in a wonderful neighborhood in a super cute townhouse, I make enough money to pay all my bills and usually have a little extra at the end of the month, which I am so grateful for.

My daughter is adjusting remarkable well since her dad and I split. I can’t complain about too much.  Life is good!

But, and there’s always a but, I sometimes miss having a partner to share life with. I find this especially true during the holidays, or when my daughter has a school event. Instead of having other parents feel the tension that exudes when my ex and I are in the same room together; it would be nice to have someone I love next to me to enjoy my little girl growing up. It would also be nice to have a partner to share the dull and mundane things that happen in life. Maybe it’s as simple as something funny that happened to me, or if I had a bad day at work. It would be nice to have someone there that I could share these things with.

And there’s sex. Oh, how it would be nice to have consistent sex with someone. I’m sure Duracell is going to be sending me a thank you card in the mail any day now thanking me for all the money I spend on batteries. Why is it that as soon as I got a divorce my sex drive has sky rocketed?  A girls got to get those needs met somehow.

But, and there it is again. With a relationship comes compromise. And that is what I am just not willing to give up at this point. I like calling the shots. Whether it’s about what I’m doing, or not doing for that matter.  I like being able to decide what to have for dinner every night.  I don’t need to check in with my partner to see if they’re in the mood for Thai food. (Which who in the hell isn’t?  ) But, you know what I mean. I want a part time, monogamous boyfriend. To me, this sounds like the ideal situation. All the fun without a lot of the work.  Think “friends with benefits” but that lasts forever.  This sounds so simple, easy and what I think most people, even married folks would really want.

Why is this so hard to find?