Divorce, Grief

When A Blast From The Past Feels Like a Punch In The Gut

Something happened last night that I need to share. I need to share because one of the ways I feel better is to write, and quite frankly I need to feel better.

I have an upcoming trip to the Philippines and I’m looking into buying a new camera to take a long. For the past 4 years or so I have only used my iPhone for pictures but I figure if I’m going on a 2 week vacation to somewhere half way across the world I should probably take better quality pics.

I remembered that during my move a little over 2 years ago I had packed away an old camera and video recorder I used to use when Anna was little. I found them tucked away in a box in the back of my down stairs closet. I grabbed them from the box and charged them both.

At the end of the evening as Anna is brushing her teeth I start watching video. It’s a really cute video of her when she was 4 opening her gifts from Santa. I told her that tonight instead of books, we’ll watch a few of these home videos before bed. She is very excited to do so.

We are snuggled in her bed viewing a video of my ex, Anna and her brother on a camping trip in May of 2013. I remember that weekend well. I didn’t want to go for the entire weekend. This was when my ex and I were really having issues and, so as a compromise I met up with them for the day. The video is fun to watch. Both kids are so little. Anna is 3 and my step son is 11, still a young boy.

After about 5 minutes of watching them by a camp fire, Anna eating and my step son widdling a stick the scene moves to the kids playing at the local park located at the camp site. I recognize another little girl immediately. It’s Fugley’s daughter. My heart starts beating out of my chest and my hands start shaking. I haven’t felt this much rage in over a year. I could have won an Oscar for how calm I seemed to Anna. She quietly states that she knows who that girl is and tells me her name. “That’s right.” I say, as calm as can be. I then tell Anna that this will be the last video we’re going to watch and that she needs to go to sleep.

I shut her door and I am seething mad. That mother fucker was so arrogant that the not only invited his Ashley Madison mistress to join MY family on a camping trip, but filmed her daughter! Just a reminder he and I were still married at the time and he had just started this affair.

I call him and cool as a cucumber I ask if he wants the video to watch with Fugly this weekend to commemorate their love. He declines and tells me he is getting ready to go to bed. That’s it. No apology, no embarrassment, nothing.

But then, what should I expect? I haven’t gotten a sorry in the 2 plus years since the cat’s been out of the bag. Shame on me!

Today, I woke up and still feel a little stung from what happened last night, but I’m about 90% over it. Thank God for two of my best friends that spent time with me on the phone last night.

I am pissed more than anything. What a huge slap in the face and reminder of what a POS I was married to. I didn’t expect that as Anna and I were preparing to reminisce and view old memories.

I need to finish up now. I have to hop in the shower to get ready to chaperone my daughter’s field trip. Today I will only focus on the good. The sun is out and I get to spend all day with my favorite person in the world.

 

 

Advertisements