Divorce

A letter to my ex

Yesterday I found out that my ex-husband knows about my blog, which shouldn’t surprise me since it’s out there on the internet for everyone to read. I just wonder how he found out. I have never revealed my real name, I use pseudonyms for him and my daughter and both he and his girlfriend are blocked from my Facebook page. Regardless, he knows and I’m sure he and his girlfriend get a kick out of my vulnerability and shortcomings as they sit in their dysfunction not trying one ounce to better themselves.

What really pisses me off is that my ex said that he hopes our daughter; Anna (not her real name) never reads my blogs when she’s old enough. And why is that I wonder? Is he afraid she will finally figure out that her dad is a sick fuck who only cares about himself and getting his dick wet?

Here’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that my daughter will find out that her dad, who she loves dearly decided that when he and I were having problems instead of working on our marriage, he chose to find a mistress on a website that catered to married people looking to have an affair.

Once her father found a mistress, he  did nothing when she  created a fake Facebook account so she could send me a message telling me “anonymously” that my husband was having an affair. Naively, I didn’t believe this person because my husband had me so fooled that he was a good man, a man with integrity that would never do that sort of thing. I was so scared I thought I had a stalker that I even filed a police report! I bought mace and a Taser the next day I was so scared. What did my ex do while I was freaking out? Absolutely NOTHING!!!!

I wonder what my daughter will think about her father when she finds out that his mistress would come to our family home while I was at work or out of town and they would fuck in our bed. What will my daughter think when she finds out his mistress stole one of our family photos from our family vacation to Hawaii? What will she think when she finds out that his mistress was able to randomly call myself and my ex within minutes of each other, but there would be no one on the line when I answered? Her and my ex must have schemed a system so they could talk to one another if I wasn’t home. What will my daughter think when his mistress would text both he and I from a fake number with some bullshit line like “Hey You” or would text my ex that I was cheating on him, and he would text back because he was “bored?”

What will my daughter think when she finds out that he would meet his mistress at a park with her daughter so that they could play all while he was still married to me?

What will my daughter think when I tell her that my divorce attorney advised that her father get a restraining order against his mistress because she was such a nut job? But instead of doing so, he continued the relationship.

What will my daughter think when she knows that I did all I could to keep that psycho away from her. I was able to do it for 9 months after our separation. I wish it could have been forever.

If my daughter wants to read my blogs when she’s old enough she can read that I was hurt, I was scared and I was vulnerable. I am also human. I may have made some mistakes, but I did everything I could to better myself and make sure that my daughter knew one thing had never changed. I love her more than anybody I have ever loved in my life. That is a constant no matter how mucky our life got or how pissed off I was with her dad.

My daughter will know that I never ever have said a negative word about her father in front of her. When she called me to let me know what his girlfriend gave her for Christmas, I cheerfully told her how cool it was. When she and I went somewhere fun or she wanted to share something with her dad it was me who asked her if she wanted to call him. If it had been a few days since she had spoken to him it is me who asked her if she wants to talk to him and hand her my phone.

So, Brad (not his real name) I have no problem with our daughter reading my blog. She will know that her mother is human, real, and vulnerable and took a chance to do something that helped her heal in what has been one of the most painful times in her life.

 

 

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4 thoughts on “A letter to my ex”

  1. You are beautiful, you are so real and honest, you have grown so much from this experience let them watch from the outside and the experience of karma will catch them off guard, and judge them as it does. Not with a human judgment, but with eternal life force that can send us spinning.

    Like

  2. Well I found you on an article from Rebelle society which has a name (not sure if it is your real name). If it is, I am guessing he maybe googled you, found the article which links here.

    That said, I see nothing to be ashamed of in your blog or your other articles. He made his bed, now he can live with the consequences.

    Your words ring so true and with a silent strength that should your daughter actually ever read them she will know just how strong you are.

    Like

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