Dating, Love

Wanted: A Part Time Monogamous Boyfriend

Recently, two different girlfriends who are both in long term marriages have told me that sometimes they really envy my life.

Since getting divorced almost a year and a half ago, I am able to pretty much do what I want, when I want. Now, this is not necessarily the case when I have my daughter, but when she’s at her dad’s every Tuesday night and every other weekend I have eight days every month to do whatever the hell I want. And I LOVE that. I really do.

I can go meet friends, go hiking, volunteer, or even do absolutely nothing!!! Which, truth be told I have been known to do from time to time. It’s me, my couch and usually some true crime show either that I have on my DVR or that I’ve found on the ID channel. I am a classic introvert and need “me” time in order to function. I am fortunate that as a single divorced mom I do get that.

I really do have a great life and I’m in a good place. I have an abundance of friends, some that I’ve known almost all my life.  Other friends that have trickled in throughout my adult life that I consider to be some of my best friends I’ve ever had. I live in a wonderful neighborhood in a super cute townhouse, I make enough money to pay all my bills and usually have a little extra at the end of the month, which I am so grateful for.

My daughter is adjusting remarkable well since her dad and I split. I can’t complain about too much.  Life is good!

But, and there’s always a but, I sometimes miss having a partner to share life with. I find this especially true during the holidays, or when my daughter has a school event. Instead of having other parents feel the tension that exudes when my ex and I are in the same room together; it would be nice to have someone I love next to me to enjoy my little girl growing up. It would also be nice to have a partner to share the dull and mundane things that happen in life. Maybe it’s as simple as something funny that happened to me, or if I had a bad day at work. It would be nice to have someone there that I could share these things with.

And there’s sex. Oh, how it would be nice to have consistent sex with someone. I’m sure Duracell is going to be sending me a thank you card in the mail any day now thanking me for all the money I spend on batteries. Why is it that as soon as I got a divorce my sex drive has sky rocketed?  A girls got to get those needs met somehow.

But, and there it is again. With a relationship comes compromise. And that is what I am just not willing to give up at this point. I like calling the shots. Whether it’s about what I’m doing, or not doing for that matter.  I like being able to decide what to have for dinner every night.  I don’t need to check in with my partner to see if they’re in the mood for Thai food. (Which who in the hell isn’t?  ) But, you know what I mean. I want a part time, monogamous boyfriend. To me, this sounds like the ideal situation. All the fun without a lot of the work.  Think “friends with benefits” but that lasts forever.  This sounds so simple, easy and what I think most people, even married folks would really want.

Why is this so hard to find?

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Divorce

A letter to my ex

Yesterday I found out that my ex-husband knows about my blog, which shouldn’t surprise me since it’s out there on the internet for everyone to read. I just wonder how he found out. I have never revealed my real name, I use pseudonyms for him and my daughter and both he and his girlfriend are blocked from my Facebook page. Regardless, he knows and I’m sure he and his girlfriend get a kick out of my vulnerability and shortcomings as they sit in their dysfunction not trying one ounce to better themselves.

What really pisses me off is that my ex said that he hopes our daughter; Anna (not her real name) never reads my blogs when she’s old enough. And why is that I wonder? Is he afraid she will finally figure out that her dad is a sick fuck who only cares about himself and getting his dick wet?

Here’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that my daughter will find out that her dad, who she loves dearly decided that when he and I were having problems instead of working on our marriage, he chose to find a mistress on a website that catered to married people looking to have an affair.

Once her father found a mistress, he  did nothing when she  created a fake Facebook account so she could send me a message telling me “anonymously” that my husband was having an affair. Naively, I didn’t believe this person because my husband had me so fooled that he was a good man, a man with integrity that would never do that sort of thing. I was so scared I thought I had a stalker that I even filed a police report! I bought mace and a Taser the next day I was so scared. What did my ex do while I was freaking out? Absolutely NOTHING!!!!

I wonder what my daughter will think about her father when she finds out that his mistress would come to our family home while I was at work or out of town and they would fuck in our bed. What will my daughter think when she finds out his mistress stole one of our family photos from our family vacation to Hawaii? What will she think when she finds out that his mistress was able to randomly call myself and my ex within minutes of each other, but there would be no one on the line when I answered? Her and my ex must have schemed a system so they could talk to one another if I wasn’t home. What will my daughter think when his mistress would text both he and I from a fake number with some bullshit line like “Hey You” or would text my ex that I was cheating on him, and he would text back because he was “bored?”

What will my daughter think when she finds out that he would meet his mistress at a park with her daughter so that they could play all while he was still married to me?

What will my daughter think when I tell her that my divorce attorney advised that her father get a restraining order against his mistress because she was such a nut job? But instead of doing so, he continued the relationship.

What will my daughter think when she knows that I did all I could to keep that psycho away from her. I was able to do it for 9 months after our separation. I wish it could have been forever.

If my daughter wants to read my blogs when she’s old enough she can read that I was hurt, I was scared and I was vulnerable. I am also human. I may have made some mistakes, but I did everything I could to better myself and make sure that my daughter knew one thing had never changed. I love her more than anybody I have ever loved in my life. That is a constant no matter how mucky our life got or how pissed off I was with her dad.

My daughter will know that I never ever have said a negative word about her father in front of her. When she called me to let me know what his girlfriend gave her for Christmas, I cheerfully told her how cool it was. When she and I went somewhere fun or she wanted to share something with her dad it was me who asked her if she wanted to call him. If it had been a few days since she had spoken to him it is me who asked her if she wants to talk to him and hand her my phone.

So, Brad (not his real name) I have no problem with our daughter reading my blog. She will know that her mother is human, real, and vulnerable and took a chance to do something that helped her heal in what has been one of the most painful times in her life.